


Afraid nothing can save me but the sound of your voice

by emidegrey



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Long Distance Relationship, M/M, Self-Harm, this was actually for Noiz's birthday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-18
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-04-04 09:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4131799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emidegrey/pseuds/emidegrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was his birthday, why did it have to be like this?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Afraid nothing can save me but the sound of your voice

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually super late for Noiz's birthday but then I've written this that day but haven't gone through it. I don't even know why I decided to do angst. Probably because of that line from Maroon 5's song. 
> 
> Anyway, this could actually be a continuation of [If you gave me a chance](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3392951/chapters/7424624), it was implied a little here about the incident in that fic but it could still be a stand alone.
> 
> I hope all of you would enjoy this! Thank you always.

 

He knew he shouldn't have gone home.

He should've turned down the offers from his parents to return home for the school break and spend time in Germany again.

The idea of them finally warming up to him and actually _treating_  him as part of family - As a fucking _person_  and not some unfeeling monster - was a waste to pass up. He should’ve have known that it was too good to be true. There  are things that just unattainable.

He could still hear the voice of his father calling after him from the staircase. Anger and frustration evident in the way it rose to an octave in the way he kept on ordering him to come back down.

The blond acted deaf, not wanting to acknowledge the party that was supposed to be _his_  but in reality was only made so that his parents could socialize and try to force him into some business marriage. Noiz could hear Theo's voice talking to their father, soothing the man and forcing him back to the party. He felt guilty for a moment, leaving his younger brother to those leeching bastards but he couldn't bring himself to turn back around. Too hurt and angry to face anyone from his "family".

Shutting the door loudly before locking it, the blond made his way towards his bed. Falling atop it and burying his face in his pillow from frustration. How could they do this to him? On his birthday nonetheless??

There was a tight feeling in his chest and a dark thought looming at the back of his mind. The urge of doing something harmful to himself was back full force and he curled himself into a tight ball in the hopes of blocking or pushing it away.

He promised him he wouldn't do it anymore. He _promised_.

Koujaku had already greeted him that morning. They were talking through Skype, the time difference not that problematic just yet since it was only around the afternoon then. The older male had made him laugh and told him about the gift he got him and how he'd surprise him when he came back to Midorijima. It's not really a surprise if he was already told about it right? But he wouldn't pop the other's bubble. Koujaku had been good to him.

After the awkward confession and confrontation they had at the back of the school building, Noiz still didn't give Koujaku a proper answer. He liked the man, yes, he _liked_  him _a lot_. But the mere thought that someone was actually in love him, the thought of someone actually liking him, had put him on edge. Nevertheless, he ceased trying to avoid the other boy and in fact had tried to spend time with him.

And still, even after all that time, he couldn't give him an answer. But at least Koujaku _knows_  that he has a chance. A big chance. Actually, they're not together _yet_  cause Noiz haven't made it _official_. All Koujaku was waiting for was him.

When Koujaku found out about his ... habit. The boy had been livid. Although not at him, never at him. He might get irritated, frustrated, but never did he channel his anger towards Noiz. They talked about it in one of those nights when he would decide that he couldn't stand the silence of his apartment and would break into Koujaku's place through the window. The other would always act like he's pissed about it and would tell him to use the door, but he knew that he kept the window unlocked because of this.

Eventually Koujaku relented and gave him a key. But, yes, it was one of those nights when he was cuddled close to Koujaku, his breaths warming his nape, when they talked about it. In hushed tones and whispers that only they and the silence of the room could hear. Koujaku had made him promise never to hurt himself. Even after he told him about his condition, argued that it doesn't hurt, the older male simply shook his head, held him close and made him promise to stop.

It was hard the first few times, the temptation sometimes too strong, and those would be the times where he would have Koujaku over and they would just cuddle and the other would make sure that he's okay and that he's not going to hurt himself. It helped a lot. Having someone there to stop him.

And now? Now Koujaku wasn't with him and he could feel the clenching of his gut and the way his hands are clamming up and the panic at the center of his chest. He couldn't break his promise. He _wouldn't_.

So he moved to the next thing he knew would help and pulled his laptop to him and booted it up. Immediately opening Skype and hovering the cursor over Koujaku's name. He felt guilty calling this early but he didn't know what to do, he didn't want to disappoint but at the same time he didn't want to be a bother.

He closed his eyes and clicked on the call button, hearing the familiar sound of ringing of the application. In a few seconds the call connected and Koujaku's weary voice spoke through the speakers.

"Noiz...?" He rasped, his voice dry from sleep.

"Hi." The blond greeted quietly. He was already on video call and he could only see the way his face looked gaunt due to the light of his laptop.

"'s something wrong...??" Koujaku muttered and he could hear a few rustling sound from that end, probably Koujaku pulling the laptop closer to him. "Aren't you supposed to be at the party?"

It was actually Koujaku who told him that he'd be leaving his Skype open so that the blond could call him any time. Of course Noiz teased him about it, and they bickered but the blond had never been more thankful to having a caring ... boyfriend (boyfriend? Is that what they are now?) - someone, than he is now.

"Y-yeah, well..." He stopped as Koujaku opened his camera and he could see the squinted eyes and furrowed eyebrows of the other through his screen. Koujaku had looked like those typical Japanese cartoon stereotypes and he couldn't help but chuckle even if he could feel the pressure in his chest.

"Don't laugh." Koujaku pouted before shifting so he was more comfortable. "But seriously, what's wrong?"

Noiz was worrying his lip as he thought of how to tell Koujaku what was happening. It was too early to dump this to him but he knew that he couldn't bear it alone. Besides, Koujaku has the right to know right? Right?  "I left the party."

Koujaku's eyebrows furrowed more and a little frown was on his lips. "Oh? Was it boring? I bet it was. No techno music and edm for you." Koujaku joked although the concern was on the other’s face. The blond knew he was trying to help and it did, somewhat.

"Ah, yeah, well..." he looked down, his fingers holding the blanket tightly. "I kind of... I felt... I thought of doing my ... habit again." He muttered, his eyes cast down, not ready to look at what he knew would be a disappointed look on Koujaku's face.

"Noiz?" There were some rustling sounds again but he didn't dare to look still. "Noiz? Are you okay? What can I do? Are you hurt?"

The blond chanced a look at the screen and he saw the way Koujaku was looking worriedly over the screen and he kept his eyes down. The guilt was back again. Koujaku didn't deserve this. He felt the pressure behind his eyelids and he closed them. He wasn't going to cry over something so stupid.

"Noiz? Noiz please talk to me." Koujaku cooed and who could resist that, really?

"They were trying to marry me off." He said, finally looking up at Koujaku who looked just as surprised and hurt as he was when he found out what the party was actually for.

Koujaku was speechless. He was too, but he fought back against his parents and look at where it got him. Locked in his own room again, and this time by his own volition.

"It was... I said no. I didn't want to be treated like some kind of property. Theo's still downstairs, I think he's doing damage control.” There was a brief pause. “I feel guilty having to burden him like that."

"Oh Noiz..." Koujaku muttered, looking as horrified of the thought as he was. "Are you...? Did they hurt you?"

Noiz shook his head and shifted so he was curled up more. "It just sucks. It's my birthday, I just turned legal and the first thing they want is for me to be married off. It kinda... hurts. I guess."

He saw the other nod, the frown still on his face. "It's probably hard. Is there anything I can do for you though? I mean, I can't go there yet, but right now. Is there..." Koujaku motioned his hand to indicate the space between them and Noiz just wanted to go back to Japan and be wrapped in Koujaku's arms.

"Can you stay on the line until I fall asleep?"

"Yes, of course."

Noiz smiled a little and settled in his place. There was still a little tightness in his chest, the clenching in his gut haven't gone away, but he felt comfortable.

Koujaku started to talk, just telling him about his day, how he spent it, what his plans for the next day was and what he plans to do when the other was back. All in hushed tones, that was soothing and gentle. Soon he could feel his eyes growing heavy and his body relaxing. The last lines he heard before he succumb to sleep was;

"I love you. I wish I was there."

 

And Noiz had never wanted to say those exact same words so hard in his life.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title is from How of Maroon 5
> 
> Drop by my [tumblr](http://seingemini.tumblr.com) and chat with me~


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